Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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