3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We need to rekindle our bromance
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
