dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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