Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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