Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
