i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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