I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
