They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
