I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
