Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
