apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
