she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
