the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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