I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
