imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
