She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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