I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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