Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
