If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
