I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
