So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
