Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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