if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
