Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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