any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
