Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish I only lived at night.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
