no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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