dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
