Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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