Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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