Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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