He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
