This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
