My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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