my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
