don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
