She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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