I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
