did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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