worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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