i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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