My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
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Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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