I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
