his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
