I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
