my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
