He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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