so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
