okay pat passed out under dana's car
Your dad touched me again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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