She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
