I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
