he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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