Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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