Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
