Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
