I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
