Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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