Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
