My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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