margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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