She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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