Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I will pee on everything he values.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
