They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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