Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
