also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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