I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
