oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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